From the moment she set eyes on him, she adored him. Wanting only to
be near him, to lavish her affection on him, she followed everywhere he
went. The sound of his voice made her bark.
Bark? Novelist and animal behaviorist Elizabeth Marshall Thomas was
describing her pug dog, Violet, who was in love with her other pug,
Bingo.
Animals love. Animal literature is full of descriptions of love at first
sight, actually. When Tia, a female elephant living in the Amboseli
National Park in Kenya, came into heat (or estrus), she was followed by
a coterie of young males. Tia would not cooperate. But the moment Bad
Bull swaggered into view, head high, chin tucked in, ears intensely
waving, trunk aloft, and doing his courtship strut, Tia changed her
elephant mind. Holding her ears high in a pose meant to draw his
attention, she stared at him with the prolonged “courting gaze,” then
turned and began to move slowly away, glancing repeatedly to see if this
mature male was following. Tia and Bad Bull remained inseparable for the
duration of her estrus.
Instant attraction across the animal kingdom
Scientists and naturalists have recorded this instant attraction
phenomenon in hundreds of species. Throatpatch and Priscilla, two
orangutans; Alexander and Thalia, two baboons; Skipper and Laurel, two
beavers; Misha and Maria, two Huskies; Satan and Miff, two chimps: these
and many other creatures have taken an instant liking to one another. As
Charles Darwin wrote of two ducks, “it was evidently a case of love at
fist sight, for she swam about the newcomer caressingly… with overtures
of affection.”
How we came to fall in love fast
You and I have inherited the brain circuitry for this instant
attraction, what has become known as “love at first sight.” This
spontaneous passion comes from our primordial past when, like other
mammals, our female forebears had a monthly period of heat. Like all
mammals that have only a few hours, days or weeks to procreate, these
ancestors had to become attracted quickly. They couldn’t spend two
months or two years discussing their suitor’s career and family plans.
They had to meet and produce offspring fast.
Today, first meetings are still crucial. With little or no knowledge of
this stranger, we tend to weigh heavily those few traits we first
encounter. Based on these morsels of information, we almost instantly
form a strong opinion of him or her, generally within the first three
minutes. Thomas Jefferson fell in love with Maria Cosway in an
afternoon, probably within minutes of meeting.
Who falls faster: the male or the female?
Indeed, men tend to fall in love faster than women do, probably because
their brain circuitry for romantic love is more quickly triggered by
visual cues. But any of us can walk into a crowded room, talk for only
minutes with a someone new, and either feel that “chemistry” — or “know”
there could be chemistry down the road.
But is this attraction love or lust? Actually, these feelings involve
very different brain networks. You can have physical intimacy with
someone you are not “in love” with, and you can be passionately in love
with someone you have never kissed. But these brain circuits can trigger
one another, leaving you wondering for a moment if your attraction is
purely physical.
Can immediate attraction last?
You will know if your passion is love or lust with your answer to just
one simple question: “What percentage of the day and night do you think
about him or her?” Romantic love is an obsession. It can happen in a
moment, but when it strikes, you can’t get your new beloved off your
mind. And this instant passion can last — sometimes for many years.
“The loving are the daring,” wrote poet Bayard Taylor. We are all
daring; we can’t help ourselves. Millions of years ago humanity evolved
three powerful brain systems for courtship and reproduction: the libido,
romantic attraction, and feelings of deep attachment. The libido evolved
to drive us to reproduce with a range of partners, but romantic love
evolved to enable us to focus our energy on just one, The One. This
passion is intricately orchestrated, at least in part, by the activity
of a powerful chemical, dopamine. And this potent brain circuit lies
dormant in each of us, sleeping like a cat with one eye open, waiting
for the right moment to erupt.
Indeed, feelings of intense romantic passion can awaken the first moment
you see someone who fits within your mental concept of the perfect
partner — love at first sight.
Helen Fisher, Ph.D., is research professor, Department of
Anthropology at Columbia University; author of Why We Love; and
is chief scientific advisor to www.chemistry.com.